Joke: Repeat performance
A young woman had given birth in the elevator of a New Delhi hospital, and was embarrassed about it. One of the Doctors, in an effort to console her, said, “Don t feel bad. Why, only two years ago a lady delivered in the front yard of the hospital.” With that the new mother burst out crying. “I know,” she said. “That was me, too.”
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
MASALA JOKE 50
Joke: Kiss without touching lips
Rakesh said to Deepa, "I'll bet you fifty rupees, I can kiss you on the lips without touching them." "You're crazy," said Deepa. "That's impossible. Here's a fifty rupee bet that says you can't." The two fifty rupee notes were placed on the mantelpiece and Rakesh then enfolded Deepa and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips." Rakesh pushed the two fifty rupee notes toward her and said, "So I lose."!!!
Rakesh said to Deepa, "I'll bet you fifty rupees, I can kiss you on the lips without touching them." "You're crazy," said Deepa. "That's impossible. Here's a fifty rupee bet that says you can't." The two fifty rupee notes were placed on the mantelpiece and Rakesh then enfolded Deepa and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips." Rakesh pushed the two fifty rupee notes toward her and said, "So I lose."!!!
MASALA JOKE 49
Joke: Bunty and Babli
Since Babli is eight months into her pregnancy, Bunty has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor Bunty curled up on the floor; eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire... Feeling sorry for Bunty, she opens her purse, takes out a five hundred bucks, and gives it to him, "Awww, my dear is so depressed... here, take this and go to Aishs wife, Preeto, she will let you sleep with her tonight and remember that this happens only once ok?Dont think about it again." Bunty rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the money back to Babli and says with much disappointment: "She said this is not enough, she wants One thousand..." Bablis face slowly turns red with anger, "Damn that bitch... when she was pregnant and Aish came over here... I only charged him five hundred!"
Since Babli is eight months into her pregnancy, Bunty has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor Bunty curled up on the floor; eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire... Feeling sorry for Bunty, she opens her purse, takes out a five hundred bucks, and gives it to him, "Awww, my dear is so depressed... here, take this and go to Aishs wife, Preeto, she will let you sleep with her tonight and remember that this happens only once ok?Dont think about it again." Bunty rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the money back to Babli and says with much disappointment: "She said this is not enough, she wants One thousand..." Bablis face slowly turns red with anger, "Damn that bitch... when she was pregnant and Aish came over here... I only charged him five hundred!"
MASALA JOKE 48
Joke: Dentist making out with girl
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.' The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?' 'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.' One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.' The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?' 'Didn't feel a thing!'
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.' The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?' 'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.' One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.' The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?' 'Didn't feel a thing!'
MASALA JOKE 47
Joke: Upcoming Mastercard Commercial
Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon - $25 million dollars. Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber - $45 million dollars. Boeing B-52 Stratofortress - $74 million dollars. Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber - $2.1 billion dollars. A decent map of downtown Belgrade - Priceless. There are some things that money can’t buy … unfortunately good intelligence is one of them. For the rest, there’s MasterCard: the official card of the 19-member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon - $25 million dollars. Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber - $45 million dollars. Boeing B-52 Stratofortress - $74 million dollars. Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber - $2.1 billion dollars. A decent map of downtown Belgrade - Priceless. There are some things that money can’t buy … unfortunately good intelligence is one of them. For the rest, there’s MasterCard: the official card of the 19-member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
Joke: Unwanted Advances
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.” Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.” Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?” Replies Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can.” Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, “Is that you Janet?”
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.” Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.” Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?” Replies Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can.” Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, “Is that you Janet?”
MASALA JOKE 46
Joke: How Would You Like To Be Bill Clinton’s Friend?
**This is NOT a joke. I don’t think it’s funny, but very interesting!** The following is a list of dead people connected with Bill & Hillary Clinton’s: James McDougal - Clinton’s convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement, shortly after medical check. He was a key witness in Ken Starr’s investigation. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House. Vince Foster - Former white House counselor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide, bullet never found, car was clean. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown’s skull resembling a 45 caliber gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. C. Victor Raiser II & Montgomery Raiser - Major players in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992. Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a “Dear friend and trusted advisor”. Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events. Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial security team in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park’s son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a “Black Book” of people containing names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas. James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater. Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones. Bill Shelton - Arkansas state Trooper and fiancée of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancée, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancée. Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor. Florence Martin - Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds. Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death. Paula Grober - Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death December 9,1992. She died in a one car accident. Danny Casolaro - Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle of his investigation. Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno 3 weeks before his death. Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia apartment balcony August 15, 1993 Was investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal. Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce. Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash. Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton’s advisory council personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather and brother. Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas, Death was no accident. Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out to Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died when his car hit a utility pole. Stanley Huggins - Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee. His report was never released. Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded. Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as “The boys on the track” case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation. Controversial case where initial report of death was due to falling asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury. THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES / HENRY CASE: Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck July, 1988 Keith McMaskle - Stabbed 113 times in Nov, 1988 Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989. Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in April 1989. James Milan - Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death due to natural causes. Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup truck in June 1990. Richard Winters - Was a suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths. Was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989. THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD: Major William S. Barkley Jr. Captain Scott J. Reynolds Sgt. Brian Hanley Sgt. Tim Sabel Major General William Robertson Col. William Densberger Col. Robert Kelly Spec. Gary Rhodes Steve Willis Robert Williams Conway LeBleu Todd McKeehan Is all of this a coincidence? Would you still like to become friends of Bill?
**This is NOT a joke. I don’t think it’s funny, but very interesting!** The following is a list of dead people connected with Bill & Hillary Clinton’s: James McDougal - Clinton’s convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement, shortly after medical check. He was a key witness in Ken Starr’s investigation. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House. Vince Foster - Former white House counselor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide, bullet never found, car was clean. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown’s skull resembling a 45 caliber gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. C. Victor Raiser II & Montgomery Raiser - Major players in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992. Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a “Dear friend and trusted advisor”. Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events. Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial security team in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park’s son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a “Black Book” of people containing names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas. James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater. Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones. Bill Shelton - Arkansas state Trooper and fiancée of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancée, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancée. Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor. Florence Martin - Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds. Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death. Paula Grober - Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death December 9,1992. She died in a one car accident. Danny Casolaro - Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle of his investigation. Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno 3 weeks before his death. Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia apartment balcony August 15, 1993 Was investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal. Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce. Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash. Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton’s advisory council personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather and brother. Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas, Death was no accident. Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out to Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died when his car hit a utility pole. Stanley Huggins - Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee. His report was never released. Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded. Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as “The boys on the track” case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation. Controversial case where initial report of death was due to falling asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury. THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES / HENRY CASE: Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck July, 1988 Keith McMaskle - Stabbed 113 times in Nov, 1988 Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989. Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in April 1989. James Milan - Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death due to natural causes. Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup truck in June 1990. Richard Winters - Was a suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths. Was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989. THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD: Major William S. Barkley Jr. Captain Scott J. Reynolds Sgt. Brian Hanley Sgt. Tim Sabel Major General William Robertson Col. William Densberger Col. Robert Kelly Spec. Gary Rhodes Steve Willis Robert Williams Conway LeBleu Todd McKeehan Is all of this a coincidence? Would you still like to become friends of Bill?
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