Joke: Repeat performance
A young woman had given birth in the elevator of a New Delhi hospital, and was embarrassed about it. One of the Doctors, in an effort to console her, said, “Don t feel bad. Why, only two years ago a lady delivered in the front yard of the hospital.” With that the new mother burst out crying. “I know,” she said. “That was me, too.”
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
MASALA JOKE 50
Joke: Kiss without touching lips
Rakesh said to Deepa, "I'll bet you fifty rupees, I can kiss you on the lips without touching them." "You're crazy," said Deepa. "That's impossible. Here's a fifty rupee bet that says you can't." The two fifty rupee notes were placed on the mantelpiece and Rakesh then enfolded Deepa and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips." Rakesh pushed the two fifty rupee notes toward her and said, "So I lose."!!!
Rakesh said to Deepa, "I'll bet you fifty rupees, I can kiss you on the lips without touching them." "You're crazy," said Deepa. "That's impossible. Here's a fifty rupee bet that says you can't." The two fifty rupee notes were placed on the mantelpiece and Rakesh then enfolded Deepa and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately, and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my lips." Rakesh pushed the two fifty rupee notes toward her and said, "So I lose."!!!
MASALA JOKE 49
Joke: Bunty and Babli
Since Babli is eight months into her pregnancy, Bunty has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor Bunty curled up on the floor; eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire... Feeling sorry for Bunty, she opens her purse, takes out a five hundred bucks, and gives it to him, "Awww, my dear is so depressed... here, take this and go to Aishs wife, Preeto, she will let you sleep with her tonight and remember that this happens only once ok?Dont think about it again." Bunty rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the money back to Babli and says with much disappointment: "She said this is not enough, she wants One thousand..." Bablis face slowly turns red with anger, "Damn that bitch... when she was pregnant and Aish came over here... I only charged him five hundred!"
Since Babli is eight months into her pregnancy, Bunty has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor Bunty curled up on the floor; eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire... Feeling sorry for Bunty, she opens her purse, takes out a five hundred bucks, and gives it to him, "Awww, my dear is so depressed... here, take this and go to Aishs wife, Preeto, she will let you sleep with her tonight and remember that this happens only once ok?Dont think about it again." Bunty rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the money back to Babli and says with much disappointment: "She said this is not enough, she wants One thousand..." Bablis face slowly turns red with anger, "Damn that bitch... when she was pregnant and Aish came over here... I only charged him five hundred!"
MASALA JOKE 48
Joke: Dentist making out with girl
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.' The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?' 'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.' One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.' The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?' 'Didn't feel a thing!'
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.' The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?' 'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.' One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.' The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?' 'Didn't feel a thing!'
MASALA JOKE 47
Joke: Upcoming Mastercard Commercial
Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon - $25 million dollars. Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber - $45 million dollars. Boeing B-52 Stratofortress - $74 million dollars. Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber - $2.1 billion dollars. A decent map of downtown Belgrade - Priceless. There are some things that money can’t buy … unfortunately good intelligence is one of them. For the rest, there’s MasterCard: the official card of the 19-member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon - $25 million dollars. Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber - $45 million dollars. Boeing B-52 Stratofortress - $74 million dollars. Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber - $2.1 billion dollars. A decent map of downtown Belgrade - Priceless. There are some things that money can’t buy … unfortunately good intelligence is one of them. For the rest, there’s MasterCard: the official card of the 19-member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
Joke: Unwanted Advances
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.” Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.” Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?” Replies Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can.” Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, “Is that you Janet?”
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.” Janet responded, “Just because I am esthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.” Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?” Replies Janet, “Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can.” Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, “Is that you Janet?”
MASALA JOKE 46
Joke: How Would You Like To Be Bill Clinton’s Friend?
**This is NOT a joke. I don’t think it’s funny, but very interesting!** The following is a list of dead people connected with Bill & Hillary Clinton’s: James McDougal - Clinton’s convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement, shortly after medical check. He was a key witness in Ken Starr’s investigation. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House. Vince Foster - Former white House counselor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide, bullet never found, car was clean. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown’s skull resembling a 45 caliber gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. C. Victor Raiser II & Montgomery Raiser - Major players in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992. Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a “Dear friend and trusted advisor”. Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events. Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial security team in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park’s son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a “Black Book” of people containing names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas. James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater. Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones. Bill Shelton - Arkansas state Trooper and fiancée of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancée, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancée. Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor. Florence Martin - Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds. Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death. Paula Grober - Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death December 9,1992. She died in a one car accident. Danny Casolaro - Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle of his investigation. Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno 3 weeks before his death. Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia apartment balcony August 15, 1993 Was investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal. Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce. Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash. Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton’s advisory council personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather and brother. Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas, Death was no accident. Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out to Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died when his car hit a utility pole. Stanley Huggins - Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee. His report was never released. Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded. Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as “The boys on the track” case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation. Controversial case where initial report of death was due to falling asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury. THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES / HENRY CASE: Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck July, 1988 Keith McMaskle - Stabbed 113 times in Nov, 1988 Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989. Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in April 1989. James Milan - Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death due to natural causes. Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup truck in June 1990. Richard Winters - Was a suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths. Was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989. THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD: Major William S. Barkley Jr. Captain Scott J. Reynolds Sgt. Brian Hanley Sgt. Tim Sabel Major General William Robertson Col. William Densberger Col. Robert Kelly Spec. Gary Rhodes Steve Willis Robert Williams Conway LeBleu Todd McKeehan Is all of this a coincidence? Would you still like to become friends of Bill?
**This is NOT a joke. I don’t think it’s funny, but very interesting!** The following is a list of dead people connected with Bill & Hillary Clinton’s: James McDougal - Clinton’s convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement, shortly after medical check. He was a key witness in Ken Starr’s investigation. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House. Vince Foster - Former white House counselor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide, bullet never found, car was clean. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown’s skull resembling a 45 caliber gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. C. Victor Raiser II & Montgomery Raiser - Major players in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992. Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a “Dear friend and trusted advisor”. Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events. Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial security team in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park’s son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house. James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a “Black Book” of people containing names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas. James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater. Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones. Bill Shelton - Arkansas state Trooper and fiancée of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancée, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancée. Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor. Florence Martin - Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds. Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death. Paula Grober - Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death December 9,1992. She died in a one car accident. Danny Casolaro - Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle of his investigation. Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno 3 weeks before his death. Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia apartment balcony August 15, 1993 Was investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal. Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce. Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash. Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton’s advisory council personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather and brother. Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas, Death was no accident. Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out to Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died when his car hit a utility pole. Stanley Huggins - Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee. His report was never released. Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded. Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as “The boys on the track” case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation. Controversial case where initial report of death was due to falling asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury. THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES / HENRY CASE: Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck July, 1988 Keith McMaskle - Stabbed 113 times in Nov, 1988 Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989. Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in April 1989. James Milan - Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death due to natural causes. Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup truck in June 1990. Richard Winters - Was a suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths. Was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989. THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD: Major William S. Barkley Jr. Captain Scott J. Reynolds Sgt. Brian Hanley Sgt. Tim Sabel Major General William Robertson Col. William Densberger Col. Robert Kelly Spec. Gary Rhodes Steve Willis Robert Williams Conway LeBleu Todd McKeehan Is all of this a coincidence? Would you still like to become friends of Bill?
MASALA JOKE 45
Joke: Signs Iraq is getting used to the bombings
*Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again. *Instead of saying, “We are under attack, please take shelter,” citizens are now told, “Here we go again, you know the drill.” *Everyone wears sunglasses all the time. *Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters. *Yesterday’s lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was “NBA Lockout Continues.” *Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the “Tomahawk Chop.” *Hussein’s latest address to the nation included the line, “We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda…” *Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad. *Baghdad High’s senior class has playfully painted a bull’s-eye on the roof of the school. *Iraqi Television Network preempts Hussein’s speech to show “Baywatch.” *Maps of Baghdad being divided into numbered grids and sold on street corners to play “Cruise Missile Bingo.” *Baghdad weather girls point to the map and say, “Scattered B-52 bombings and cruise missile strikes tonight through the early morning, with light rocket attacks tomorrow, clearing off by noon.” *”We could be killed by a bomb any second” no longer an effective pickup line in Iraqi bars. *Every Iraqi citizen has been issued a catcher’s mitt. *Students anxiously listen to the radio each morning to listen for school closings. *Even the ever-hilarious, “Sorry, that was me–must’ve been those BEANS I ate!” jokes are wearing thin. *Gag gift sales soar with the release of the new “Magnetic Hat.”
*Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again. *Instead of saying, “We are under attack, please take shelter,” citizens are now told, “Here we go again, you know the drill.” *Everyone wears sunglasses all the time. *Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters. *Yesterday’s lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was “NBA Lockout Continues.” *Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the “Tomahawk Chop.” *Hussein’s latest address to the nation included the line, “We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda…” *Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad. *Baghdad High’s senior class has playfully painted a bull’s-eye on the roof of the school. *Iraqi Television Network preempts Hussein’s speech to show “Baywatch.” *Maps of Baghdad being divided into numbered grids and sold on street corners to play “Cruise Missile Bingo.” *Baghdad weather girls point to the map and say, “Scattered B-52 bombings and cruise missile strikes tonight through the early morning, with light rocket attacks tomorrow, clearing off by noon.” *”We could be killed by a bomb any second” no longer an effective pickup line in Iraqi bars. *Every Iraqi citizen has been issued a catcher’s mitt. *Students anxiously listen to the radio each morning to listen for school closings. *Even the ever-hilarious, “Sorry, that was me–must’ve been those BEANS I ate!” jokes are wearing thin. *Gag gift sales soar with the release of the new “Magnetic Hat.”
MASALA JOKE 44
Joke: Wedding rehearsal
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father, ‘As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.’ So the father of the bride, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the brides hand on the bride grooms arm and said, ‘No deposit, no return.’
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father, ‘As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.’ So the father of the bride, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the brides hand on the bride grooms arm and said, ‘No deposit, no return.’
MASALA JOKE 43
Joke: What is Sex?
A kid goes up to his father and asks, “Dad what is sex?” His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother. He goes to his grandmother, who’s husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, “Grammy, what is sex?” She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was. The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened. His father screams, “YOU FUCKED MY MOM!” The little boy screams back at him “NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!”
A kid goes up to his father and asks, “Dad what is sex?” His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother. He goes to his grandmother, who’s husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, “Grammy, what is sex?” She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was. The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened. His father screams, “YOU FUCKED MY MOM!” The little boy screams back at him “NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!”
MASALA JOKE 42
Joke: Little Johnny catches parents making out
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?" His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?" His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
MASALA JOKE 41
Joke: Two guys chatting
Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find."
Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find."
MASALA JOKE 40
Joke: Making out in the lawns of a brothel
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel", replied the madam. "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. "Oh, we're having a yard sale today
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel", replied the madam. "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. "Oh, we're having a yard sale today
MASALA JOKE 39
Joke: The Pessimist
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.
MASALA JOKE 38
Joke: Elder couple talking about sex
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather hopefully. “Well, I’d have to say I like it infrequently,” she responded. The old guy paused… then he asked, “Was that one word or two?”
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather hopefully. “Well, I’d have to say I like it infrequently,” she responded. The old guy paused… then he asked, “Was that one word or two?”
MASALA JOKE 37
Joke: A True Pet Lover
You might be a true pet lover if….. …All your magazine subscriptions have animals on the cover. …Your dishwasher always has at least one pet dish in it. …Your vet gives you Christmas presents. …The manager of your local Pet Supermarket knows you by your first name. …You try to wear clothing that will blend with your pet’s hair. …You never sleep alone. …You make more trips to the groomer than to the barber/beautician. …You are more interested in the ingredients of your pet’s food than your own dinner. …You sign your correspondence with your pet’s name. …You get a babysitter for your kids but take your pet with you. …You sit down and know something is missing if either your lap is empty or your feet get cold. …You’ve ever felt sorry for people who don’t have a special critter friend. …You insist on correcting people who mis-pronounce your pet’s name. …You don’t freak at the sight of pig ears or cow hoofs lying around your home. …Your pet dresses better than you do. …Your pet has more beauty supplies than you do. …You always check your chairs, sofa, etc… for pet toys before you sit down. …In your living room is furniture just for your pet. …You look forward to the slobbery kisses from your dog when you come home from work. …You have a special site dedicated to your pet with tons of pictures. …You hesitate to call home and leave a message on your own answering machine for fear your pet will hear your voice and become distraught that you are not home. …You find yourself pulling pictures of your pets out of your wallet when others are showing pictures of their kids. …You watch only “animal kingdom” programs on cable television. …Frosty Paws (frozen dog dairy treat) has replaced low-fat ice-cream in your freezer. …You play holiday cassette music featuring only “singing dogs” with Jingles Bells topping your favorite tune. …You think the term “going to the dogs” is a compliment. …You decorate holiday stockings with the names of your pets and then wrap the contents so they’ll be surprised on Christmas day. …You match your throw rug colors when you pick them out, to match the color of the biggest dog in your family home. …If you buy more pet food than people food. …When you get home, you greet your dog first … then your spouse. …You have a king size bed and the dogs give you 12″ and your husband takes the rest. …The back seat of you car contains dog toys and the windows are full of nose prints. …You pick out your new linoleum for the kitchen based on how well it will hold up to dogs toenails skidding after their toys. …You would rather make homemade biscuits for your baby (puppy) than to give him those store bought ones. …When they say it’s time to turn off the lights… you finish watching TV in the dark. …Your animal has more toys than your children. …You decorate your home more for “cat friendly” rather than stylish. …You have no problem with the kitties sleeping in the clean laundry. …The colors black or white are completely eliminated from your wardrobe. …You carry tape in your purse and car for de-hairing clothes before meeting with “other” people. …When visiting friends, you focus more attention on their pet than them. …Houseguests are welcome to bring their pets but not their kids. …You can’t fall asleep without purring. …The house is messy if it’s your stuff strewn all over but it’s OK if it’s all pet toys. …The pet takes your favorite seat so you sit elsewhere and strain to see the TV. …Your pet has better health insurance than you. …You buy a car/truck to meet the needs of your pet. …You have a birthday party for your pet. …Your pet gets more birthday cards then you do. …You won’t date someone your pet dislikes. …You demand custody of the pet in the divorce settlement. …When you find yourself buying and reading more animal books than cookbooks! …You don’t think it is strange to brush your pet’s teeth regularly. …When you spend more on cat litter than you do on toilet paper.
You might be a true pet lover if….. …All your magazine subscriptions have animals on the cover. …Your dishwasher always has at least one pet dish in it. …Your vet gives you Christmas presents. …The manager of your local Pet Supermarket knows you by your first name. …You try to wear clothing that will blend with your pet’s hair. …You never sleep alone. …You make more trips to the groomer than to the barber/beautician. …You are more interested in the ingredients of your pet’s food than your own dinner. …You sign your correspondence with your pet’s name. …You get a babysitter for your kids but take your pet with you. …You sit down and know something is missing if either your lap is empty or your feet get cold. …You’ve ever felt sorry for people who don’t have a special critter friend. …You insist on correcting people who mis-pronounce your pet’s name. …You don’t freak at the sight of pig ears or cow hoofs lying around your home. …Your pet dresses better than you do. …Your pet has more beauty supplies than you do. …You always check your chairs, sofa, etc… for pet toys before you sit down. …In your living room is furniture just for your pet. …You look forward to the slobbery kisses from your dog when you come home from work. …You have a special site dedicated to your pet with tons of pictures. …You hesitate to call home and leave a message on your own answering machine for fear your pet will hear your voice and become distraught that you are not home. …You find yourself pulling pictures of your pets out of your wallet when others are showing pictures of their kids. …You watch only “animal kingdom” programs on cable television. …Frosty Paws (frozen dog dairy treat) has replaced low-fat ice-cream in your freezer. …You play holiday cassette music featuring only “singing dogs” with Jingles Bells topping your favorite tune. …You think the term “going to the dogs” is a compliment. …You decorate holiday stockings with the names of your pets and then wrap the contents so they’ll be surprised on Christmas day. …You match your throw rug colors when you pick them out, to match the color of the biggest dog in your family home. …If you buy more pet food than people food. …When you get home, you greet your dog first … then your spouse. …You have a king size bed and the dogs give you 12″ and your husband takes the rest. …The back seat of you car contains dog toys and the windows are full of nose prints. …You pick out your new linoleum for the kitchen based on how well it will hold up to dogs toenails skidding after their toys. …You would rather make homemade biscuits for your baby (puppy) than to give him those store bought ones. …When they say it’s time to turn off the lights… you finish watching TV in the dark. …Your animal has more toys than your children. …You decorate your home more for “cat friendly” rather than stylish. …You have no problem with the kitties sleeping in the clean laundry. …The colors black or white are completely eliminated from your wardrobe. …You carry tape in your purse and car for de-hairing clothes before meeting with “other” people. …When visiting friends, you focus more attention on their pet than them. …Houseguests are welcome to bring their pets but not their kids. …You can’t fall asleep without purring. …The house is messy if it’s your stuff strewn all over but it’s OK if it’s all pet toys. …The pet takes your favorite seat so you sit elsewhere and strain to see the TV. …Your pet has better health insurance than you. …You buy a car/truck to meet the needs of your pet. …You have a birthday party for your pet. …Your pet gets more birthday cards then you do. …You won’t date someone your pet dislikes. …You demand custody of the pet in the divorce settlement. …When you find yourself buying and reading more animal books than cookbooks! …You don’t think it is strange to brush your pet’s teeth regularly. …When you spend more on cat litter than you do on toilet paper.
MASALA JOKE 36
Joke: Cats and Dogs: A Man’s View
WHAT ARE DOGS: Dogs are honorable. Dogs are fiercely loyal. Dogs are regal and striking in appearance. Dogs are your best friend - unconditionally. Dogs protect their master, his family, and his home - to the death. Dogs are loving - they are warm and funny at all times. Dogs are faithful - til the end. Dogs have no attitude - they’re always happy to be loved. Dogs are there for the long haul - once again - til death! Dogs have no ego and are perfect pets… Just like - well, MEN! WHAT ARE CATS? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They’re totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater for their every whim. They’re moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They’re tiny little women in cheap fur coats.
WHAT ARE DOGS: Dogs are honorable. Dogs are fiercely loyal. Dogs are regal and striking in appearance. Dogs are your best friend - unconditionally. Dogs protect their master, his family, and his home - to the death. Dogs are loving - they are warm and funny at all times. Dogs are faithful - til the end. Dogs have no attitude - they’re always happy to be loved. Dogs are there for the long haul - once again - til death! Dogs have no ego and are perfect pets… Just like - well, MEN! WHAT ARE CATS? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They’re totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater for their every whim. They’re moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They’re tiny little women in cheap fur coats.
MASALA JOKE 35
Joke: Difference between Vampires and Lawyers
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
MASALA JOKE 34
Joke: Two Bulls
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population and young George was pretty excited. “Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?” asked George. “George, relax. Here is how it works. We’ll wait until they’re lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion,” said Sam. “Okay, I can do that,” George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there but Sam had a few more instructions. “Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I’ll start at one end and you can start at the other. We’ll meet in the middle,” said Sam. “OK, OK, let’s go!” said George. “Hang on George! One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?” said Sam. “Sure!” says George. Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remembers Sam’s instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say, “Thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, sorry Sam, thank you ma’am….”
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population and young George was pretty excited. “Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?” asked George. “George, relax. Here is how it works. We’ll wait until they’re lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion,” said Sam. “Okay, I can do that,” George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there but Sam had a few more instructions. “Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I’ll start at one end and you can start at the other. We’ll meet in the middle,” said Sam. “OK, OK, let’s go!” said George. “Hang on George! One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?” said Sam. “Sure!” says George. Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remembers Sam’s instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say, “Thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, thank you ma’am, sorry Sam, thank you ma’am….”
MASALA JOKE 33
Joke: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere. 2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory. 3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience. 4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience. 5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun. 6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try. 7. Its best to have a soft place to land. 8. You dont need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it. 9. If youre with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them. 10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time. 11. Once you learn, you never forget how. 12. If you fall off get right back on. 13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up. 14. Remember to signal before you change direction. 15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip. 16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat. 17. Once youre over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way. 18. That's why some of them are called Mountin Bikes.
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere. 2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory. 3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience. 4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience. 5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun. 6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try. 7. Its best to have a soft place to land. 8. You dont need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it. 9. If youre with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them. 10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time. 11. Once you learn, you never forget how. 12. If you fall off get right back on. 13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up. 14. Remember to signal before you change direction. 15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip. 16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat. 17. Once youre over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way. 18. That's why some of them are called Mountin Bikes.
MASALA JOKE 32
Joke: Adult nursery rhyme
Nipple nipple little star can I kick u in my car? Up above ur breast so high Alwayz milky never dry Let all touch it dont fell shy In ur boobs let all die...
Nipple nipple little star can I kick u in my car? Up above ur breast so high Alwayz milky never dry Let all touch it dont fell shy In ur boobs let all die...
MASALA JOKE 31
Joke: 10 resons why God created Eve
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden, because he wouldn't ask for directions. 9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV. They want to see WHAT ELSE is on.) 8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment. 7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage. 5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply. But, He knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth. 4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools. 3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident and for anything else that was really his fault. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." 1. And the No. 1 reason of all: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared ... "I can do better than that."
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden, because he wouldn't ask for directions. 9. God knew that, someday, Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV. They want to see WHAT ELSE is on.) 8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment. 7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage. 5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply. But, He knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth. 4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools. 3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident and for anything else that was really his fault. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." 1. And the No. 1 reason of all: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared ... "I can do better than that."
MASALA JOKE 29
Joke: Why was Adam the happiest man ever?
Q: Why was Adam the happiest man ever lived? A: Because he was the only man without a mother-in-law.
Q: Why was Adam the happiest man ever lived? A: Because he was the only man without a mother-in-law.
MASALA JOKE 28
Joke: Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
MASALA JOKE 27
Joke: Banta at beer bar
Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer. When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!" Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one." Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened. When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it. However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!"
Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer. When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!" Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one." Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened. When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it. However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!"
MASALA JOKE 26
Joke: Patni ne araz kiya hai
Patni ne araz kiya hai... Zara dheere se thoko sanam mahengai ka zamaanaa hai. 6 inch ke lund ko, zindagi bhar chalana hai.
Patni ne araz kiya hai... Zara dheere se thoko sanam mahengai ka zamaanaa hai. 6 inch ke lund ko, zindagi bhar chalana hai.
MASALA JOKE 25
Joke: Two patients in mental hospital
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
MASALA JOKE 25
Joke: Dating rules for college
1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's horny. 2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you," and "you're cool," mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In college, it means "will you fuck me?" 3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love, in college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own. 4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight. 5. In an imaginary world, men aren't afraid to admit their feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they kissed you they respond, "Why do you think?" Refer to number one for definition. 6. In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that. In college it's a fuckfest or pretty close to it. 7. In an imaginary world the guy might call you the day after. In college, you're lucky if he acknowledges your presence when you walk by. Or if they do call back, refer to number one again, for the reason. 8. In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college, cute guys are asses, unattractive men are desparate, and nice guys finish last. 9. In an imaginary world, sex is sacred and special. In college, it happens every night between drunk strangers, who don't even know each others names. IT ALWAYS SEEMS MEANINGLESS TO AT LEAST ONE OF THE PARTNERS! 10. In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe, woman. In college, you ARE the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean, Alisha, Sara, Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie, Jocelyn, Lynda, Alyssa, Jessica, Cory, Rachel, Heather...
1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's horny. 2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you," and "you're cool," mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In college, it means "will you fuck me?" 3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love, in college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own. 4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight. 5. In an imaginary world, men aren't afraid to admit their feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they kissed you they respond, "Why do you think?" Refer to number one for definition. 6. In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that. In college it's a fuckfest or pretty close to it. 7. In an imaginary world the guy might call you the day after. In college, you're lucky if he acknowledges your presence when you walk by. Or if they do call back, refer to number one again, for the reason. 8. In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college, cute guys are asses, unattractive men are desparate, and nice guys finish last. 9. In an imaginary world, sex is sacred and special. In college, it happens every night between drunk strangers, who don't even know each others names. IT ALWAYS SEEMS MEANINGLESS TO AT LEAST ONE OF THE PARTNERS! 10. In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe, woman. In college, you ARE the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean, Alisha, Sara, Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie, Jocelyn, Lynda, Alyssa, Jessica, Cory, Rachel, Heather...
MASALA JOKE 24
Joke: Twenty20 Post Match Presentation Interview
In the post-match presentation, Ravi Shastri to Dhoni "Congratulations to you and the whole Indian team for winning this world cup. You guys have produced a great nail baiting show.. and deserves the cup. We welcome you to share the joy with us." Dhoni "Thanks Ravi, the match was pretty close encounter between two great teams and our guys held the nerve to win the game and cup." Shastri, "Who was the main reason for this thrilling victory?" Dhoni, "All us played well but I would say the main reason and man behind this great victory is Ajit Agarkar" Shocked Shastri..., "Agarkar ? ? .. how come Agarkar... he didn't played in the final" Dhoni, "Yeaph.. that's the reason we won this low scoring match.. if he could have bowled in final, Pakistan would have scored the winning runs from his 4 overs...." Shastri, "ok.. fine, To whom you want to thank for winning this final..." Dhoni, "The team doctor deserves the credit... he really helped us to prepare for the final..." Shastri, "Is it? ?.... how the doctor helped to prepare for the final...he is not the coach or physical trainer...Dhoni. . I am getting confusion" Dhoni, "Ravi... nothing to confuse... he has failed Sehwag in the fitness test according to our game plan and we managed to pick a good playing team.. thus we weigh the doctor's contribution as very high...infact its better than our team effort in the field.. our game tactic worked well" Shastri, "To whom you want to dedicate this World Cup?" Dhoni, "The entire team including myself wants to dedicate this cup to Sachin, Dravid and Ganguly..." Shastri, "I really really appreciate you... its good that you have so much respect to the seniors....and you ...." Dhoni interrupts.. .."Ravi.. let me complete... India would have exited in the Group matches if they decided to play in the series... thank god they opted out and we managed to play cricket and won the cup.." Shastri, "The match was thrilling encounter and was concluded by a single mistake of Misbah.. Isn't it? " Dhoni, "Yes you are right, after lofting the ball Misbah told me that he has sent the ball to where there was no one....but he didn't know that there is a Malayali in every corner of the world. This single mistake has coasted the game and won the cup..." Shastri faints and Dhoni receives the CUP and thats the end of the great Twenty-20 world cup.
In the post-match presentation, Ravi Shastri to Dhoni "Congratulations to you and the whole Indian team for winning this world cup. You guys have produced a great nail baiting show.. and deserves the cup. We welcome you to share the joy with us." Dhoni "Thanks Ravi, the match was pretty close encounter between two great teams and our guys held the nerve to win the game and cup." Shastri, "Who was the main reason for this thrilling victory?" Dhoni, "All us played well but I would say the main reason and man behind this great victory is Ajit Agarkar" Shocked Shastri..., "Agarkar ? ? .. how come Agarkar... he didn't played in the final" Dhoni, "Yeaph.. that's the reason we won this low scoring match.. if he could have bowled in final, Pakistan would have scored the winning runs from his 4 overs...." Shastri, "ok.. fine, To whom you want to thank for winning this final..." Dhoni, "The team doctor deserves the credit... he really helped us to prepare for the final..." Shastri, "Is it? ?.... how the doctor helped to prepare for the final...he is not the coach or physical trainer...Dhoni. . I am getting confusion" Dhoni, "Ravi... nothing to confuse... he has failed Sehwag in the fitness test according to our game plan and we managed to pick a good playing team.. thus we weigh the doctor's contribution as very high...infact its better than our team effort in the field.. our game tactic worked well" Shastri, "To whom you want to dedicate this World Cup?" Dhoni, "The entire team including myself wants to dedicate this cup to Sachin, Dravid and Ganguly..." Shastri, "I really really appreciate you... its good that you have so much respect to the seniors....and you ...." Dhoni interrupts.. .."Ravi.. let me complete... India would have exited in the Group matches if they decided to play in the series... thank god they opted out and we managed to play cricket and won the cup.." Shastri, "The match was thrilling encounter and was concluded by a single mistake of Misbah.. Isn't it? " Dhoni, "Yes you are right, after lofting the ball Misbah told me that he has sent the ball to where there was no one....but he didn't know that there is a Malayali in every corner of the world. This single mistake has coasted the game and won the cup..." Shastri faints and Dhoni receives the CUP and thats the end of the great Twenty-20 world cup.
MASALA JOKE 23
Joke: You Probably Flunked Sex Education If You Think …
A clitoris is a type of flower. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. “Spread eagle” is an extinct bird. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. A G-string is part of a fiddle. Semen is a term for sailors. Anus is a Latin term for sailors. Testicles are found on an octopus. Asphalt describes rectal problems. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish. Coitus is a musical instrument. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute. A condom is a large apartment complex. An orgasm is a musician who accompanies a church choir. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. An erection is when Japanese people vote. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. Sodomy is a special variety of fast growing grass. Pornography is the business of making records. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. Douche is the French word for “two.”
A clitoris is a type of flower. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. “Spread eagle” is an extinct bird. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. A G-string is part of a fiddle. Semen is a term for sailors. Anus is a Latin term for sailors. Testicles are found on an octopus. Asphalt describes rectal problems. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish. Coitus is a musical instrument. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute. A condom is a large apartment complex. An orgasm is a musician who accompanies a church choir. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. An erection is when Japanese people vote. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. Sodomy is a special variety of fast growing grass. Pornography is the business of making records. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. Douche is the French word for “two.”
MASALA JOKE 22
Joke: Plot For Sale
A sweet girl of eighteen is very eager to offer a small lovely “TRIANGULAR PLOT” for sale which is centrally located on the slop of the lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till date. For the last eighteen years the plot has been tenderly cared and looked after by the girl herself. The plot is fertile and can bear best result even in the first planting. For the last four years the plot was covered with shiny black curly grass which is very tender to touch. No machine has yet been used for trimming the grass which has now covered the whole area. Another thing which adds beauty of the plot is the fantastic pond hidden under it. Offers are immediately invited from young men with firm and energetic capital which can be put in easily and this must give outflowing white liquid capital. The young men should be strong enough to plough in hard with his own tool. Although initially it will be hard and a bit difficult to cut open the gate seal. Once the capital is put in the entrance will not repent and will be delighted to have ventured into the site. Since the neighbors are waiting for an opportunity to the pounce this marvelous plot make haste to be first to enter into the site. Yet another fact to be disclosed regarding the site is that the “DOUBLE HILLS” on the top of the said plot is already captured by the local students. Anyhow, they are not permitted to go down. Offer for lease or retail will not be accepted. NB : ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED!
A sweet girl of eighteen is very eager to offer a small lovely “TRIANGULAR PLOT” for sale which is centrally located on the slop of the lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till date. For the last eighteen years the plot has been tenderly cared and looked after by the girl herself. The plot is fertile and can bear best result even in the first planting. For the last four years the plot was covered with shiny black curly grass which is very tender to touch. No machine has yet been used for trimming the grass which has now covered the whole area. Another thing which adds beauty of the plot is the fantastic pond hidden under it. Offers are immediately invited from young men with firm and energetic capital which can be put in easily and this must give outflowing white liquid capital. The young men should be strong enough to plough in hard with his own tool. Although initially it will be hard and a bit difficult to cut open the gate seal. Once the capital is put in the entrance will not repent and will be delighted to have ventured into the site. Since the neighbors are waiting for an opportunity to the pounce this marvelous plot make haste to be first to enter into the site. Yet another fact to be disclosed regarding the site is that the “DOUBLE HILLS” on the top of the said plot is already captured by the local students. Anyhow, they are not permitted to go down. Offer for lease or retail will not be accepted. NB : ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED!
Friday, January 18, 2008
MASALA JOKE 21
Joke: Fine Art
At an art exhibition, a couple was viewing a painting of three VERY naked, VERY black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a VERY PINK penis. While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out, the artist walked by and noticed the couple’s confusion. “Can I help you with this painting?” he asked. “Well, yes.” said the gentleman. “We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?” “Oh,” said the artist. “I’m afraid you’ve misinterpreted the painting. The three men are not Africans, they’re coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch!”
At an art exhibition, a couple was viewing a painting of three VERY naked, VERY black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a VERY PINK penis. While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out, the artist walked by and noticed the couple’s confusion. “Can I help you with this painting?” he asked. “Well, yes.” said the gentleman. “We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?” “Oh,” said the artist. “I’m afraid you’ve misinterpreted the painting. The three men are not Africans, they’re coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch!”
MASALA JOKE 20
Joke: Watch This
This cowboy was walking in the woods one day and he comes to a clearing. There on a blanket was a naked Indian with an erection. “What are you doing?” the cowboy asks. The Indian answers, “Me tell time.” The cowboy says, “Ok. If you are so good, what time is it?” The Indian looks down at his penis and the shadow it made and said, “It 2 o’clock.” The cowboy looks at his watch and says, “By Golly, you are right!” The cowboy starts walking again and comes upon another naked Indian laying on a blanket. “Don’t tell me….you’re telling time also?” Indian looks up at him and says, “Yes, me telling time.” The cowboy says, “Okay smartass, what time is it?” The Indian looks up at the sun and down at his penis and says, “It 4 o’clock.” The cowboy is amazed at the Indians, so he keeps walking. A few hours later he comes upon an Indian on a blanket, masturbating. “Don’t tell me you are telling time!!??” The Indian looks up at him and says, “No, me winding watch!!”
This cowboy was walking in the woods one day and he comes to a clearing. There on a blanket was a naked Indian with an erection. “What are you doing?” the cowboy asks. The Indian answers, “Me tell time.” The cowboy says, “Ok. If you are so good, what time is it?” The Indian looks down at his penis and the shadow it made and said, “It 2 o’clock.” The cowboy looks at his watch and says, “By Golly, you are right!” The cowboy starts walking again and comes upon another naked Indian laying on a blanket. “Don’t tell me….you’re telling time also?” Indian looks up at him and says, “Yes, me telling time.” The cowboy says, “Okay smartass, what time is it?” The Indian looks up at the sun and down at his penis and says, “It 4 o’clock.” The cowboy is amazed at the Indians, so he keeps walking. A few hours later he comes upon an Indian on a blanket, masturbating. “Don’t tell me you are telling time!!??” The Indian looks up at him and says, “No, me winding watch!!”
MASALA JOKE 19
Joke: One Swipe
The other day I went to a strip bar with a couple of guys. One of the guys gets into his wallet and flashes a $10 bill at one of the dancers. When she came over to our table, he licked the bill and stuck it on her ass. The second guy with us decided he didn’t want to be out done so he took a $50 dollar bill, licked it and stuck it to her other butt cheek. Now the pressure was on me. As the dancer made her way towards me, I reached in my wallet and discovered all I had was a $5 bill. Not to be outdone, however, I grabbed my ATM card, swiped it down her ass, grabbed the $60 dollars and went home!
The other day I went to a strip bar with a couple of guys. One of the guys gets into his wallet and flashes a $10 bill at one of the dancers. When she came over to our table, he licked the bill and stuck it on her ass. The second guy with us decided he didn’t want to be out done so he took a $50 dollar bill, licked it and stuck it to her other butt cheek. Now the pressure was on me. As the dancer made her way towards me, I reached in my wallet and discovered all I had was a $5 bill. Not to be outdone, however, I grabbed my ATM card, swiped it down her ass, grabbed the $60 dollars and went home!
MASALA JOKE 18
Joke: What Do Women Really Want?
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he’d have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur’s question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur’s life and granted him total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she’d been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. She asked him which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don’t read until you’ve made your own choice. Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life. The Moral of the Story: It doesn’t matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she’s still a witch!
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he’d have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur’s question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur’s life and granted him total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she’d been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. She asked him which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don’t read until you’ve made your own choice. Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life. The Moral of the Story: It doesn’t matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she’s still a witch!
MASALA JOKE 17
Joke: Young Virgin Bride
A couple got married and were going to their honeymoon cottage. The husband’s bride was a shy, young and beautiful virgin. After driving for awhile, he decided he had to pee, but they were way out in the middle of nowhere, so he stopped the car, got out and peed along side a creek that ran by the side of the road. When they arrived at their cottage, he told her to go on in, and get ready for bed, and he would bring in the luggage. About 15 minutes later, he had carried in all the luggage, locked the door, and went into the bedroom. He found his beautiful, virgin bride laying nude on the bed with a note between her breasts. The note read: The shoe horn is on the dresser, The Vaseline is on the shelf, I saw your dick, When you pissed in the crick, So I chloroformed myself
A couple got married and were going to their honeymoon cottage. The husband’s bride was a shy, young and beautiful virgin. After driving for awhile, he decided he had to pee, but they were way out in the middle of nowhere, so he stopped the car, got out and peed along side a creek that ran by the side of the road. When they arrived at their cottage, he told her to go on in, and get ready for bed, and he would bring in the luggage. About 15 minutes later, he had carried in all the luggage, locked the door, and went into the bedroom. He found his beautiful, virgin bride laying nude on the bed with a note between her breasts. The note read: The shoe horn is on the dresser, The Vaseline is on the shelf, I saw your dick, When you pissed in the crick, So I chloroformed myself
MASALA JOKE 16
Joke: Why Women Are Superior
Editor's Note: If you think of more reasons than the ones listed below on why Women are superior, then please feel to post in the comments. We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it’s pathetic. Men’s clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women’s clothes. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxi’s stop for us. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing. We know the Truth about whether or not size matters. If we’re not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling. It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male’s Speedo. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever grabbing her ass. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the ability to dress ourselves. Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth. We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all of your problems. Gay waiters don’t make us uncomfortable. We’ll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
Editor's Note: If you think of more reasons than the ones listed below on why Women are superior, then please feel to post in the comments. We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it’s pathetic. Men’s clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women’s clothes. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxi’s stop for us. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing. We know the Truth about whether or not size matters. If we’re not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling. It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male’s Speedo. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever grabbing her ass. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the ability to dress ourselves. Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth. We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all of your problems. Gay waiters don’t make us uncomfortable. We’ll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
MASALA JOKE 15
Joke: Pick-Up Lines From Prince Charles
“Wanna hold the royal scepter?” “Put a flag over my head and do it for England.” “Ever done it with an outdated historical anachronism?” “If you think my ears are big…” “Come upstairs with me and I’ll make you the Princess of Wails!” “Care to join a family of inbred freaks?” “Would you like to sit in a giant bowl of eggnog with me?” “Why don’t you lose that hayseed you’re with, Hillary?” “Let’s put the bucking in Buckingham Palace!” “I’ve got Big Ben in my pants!”
“Wanna hold the royal scepter?” “Put a flag over my head and do it for England.” “Ever done it with an outdated historical anachronism?” “If you think my ears are big…” “Come upstairs with me and I’ll make you the Princess of Wails!” “Care to join a family of inbred freaks?” “Would you like to sit in a giant bowl of eggnog with me?” “Why don’t you lose that hayseed you’re with, Hillary?” “Let’s put the bucking in Buckingham Palace!” “I’ve got Big Ben in my pants!”
MASALA JOKE 14
Joke: The Fruits Of Love
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin in the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and hadn’t been seen for five days. The elderly woman who ran the resort got concerned about the welfare of the newlyweds, and sent her husband to check on them. The husband knocks on the door of the cabin, and a weak voice from inside answers. The old man asks, “Are you young folks all right?” “Yes, we’re fine,” the man answered. We’re living on the fruits of love.” The old man replied, “I kinda figured that. Say…would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin in the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and hadn’t been seen for five days. The elderly woman who ran the resort got concerned about the welfare of the newlyweds, and sent her husband to check on them. The husband knocks on the door of the cabin, and a weak voice from inside answers. The old man asks, “Are you young folks all right?” “Yes, we’re fine,” the man answered. We’re living on the fruits of love.” The old man replied, “I kinda figured that. Say…would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”
MASALA JOKE 13
Joke: Punishment for bigamy
Q. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A. Two Mother-in-laws.
Q. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A. Two Mother-in-laws.
MASALA JOKE 12
Joke: I Am Glad I Am A Man
So you’re glad you’re a chick? Well, I’m glad I’m a guy. So have a seat, missy, and I’ll tell ya why I’m so glad I’m a man, I could stand and applaud That I don’t have to live life as a broad. We do the same work, but I’m better paid. There’s honor and not shame for me when I get laid. I can get head in a restaurant booth. Mechanics will (usually) tell me the truth. I can go sit at a bar all alone Without twenty drunk losers inviting me home. Workmen and service men never do hassle me. Car CD players don’t simply baffle me. I can reach stuff hidden on the top shelf. I can change light bulbs all by myself. No one expects anything when I just flirt. I don’t have to wear dumb stuff like hose or a skirt. My underwear’s cotton, and three for eight bucks. Bras are expensive and WIRE - that sucks. I get to buy cool stuff like hammers and drills. You have to buy makeup and birth control pills. Never will I suffer from PMS. It takes me ten minutes to shower and dress. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. I don’t have a purse full of useless old stuff. None of my co-workers can make me cry. When someone fails to call, I don’t give a shit why. I never will need an electrician or plumber. I can date someone much younger and dumber. I’m GLAD I’m a guy, with two balls and a dick, So I don’t have to live life as a chick. I revel in guy-hood with joy I can’t squelch, And I’ll celebrate every scratch, every belch. I’m glad I’m a man, of that I am proud. I’m not at all bitchy, annoying and loud. I won’t try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small. My credit card is still good when I leave from the mall. I won’t drink Diet Coke, or eat a rice cake. There’s no silicone here, my chest isn’t fake. My face isn’t “lifted,” my bra isn’t stuffed, I do what’s proper, I leave the toilet seat up. It doesn’t take hours to fix up my hair, I don’t see the need to use bathrooms in pairs. I won’t throw a tirade and then blame PMS. I’m a man and I’m glad I can deal with my stress. I have intuition, I never get lost. I share household duties, I won’t try to be the boss. I’m a man and with that comes a high sense of class, I won’t wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass. I won’t cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot I don’t make up false places, like the infamous “G-spot.” I won’t go out at night in a black mini-skirt, then slap anybody that just tries to flirt. You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall, To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls. Yes, I’m pleased to be male and I don’t mean to gloat. I’m sorry you don’t understand how to work the remote. I’ll never tease you, or play hard to get. If I don’t get my way, I won’t throw a fit. I don’t worry much about breaking a nail, My face without makeup isn’t distorted and pale. I’ll never say one thing while meaning another. When life gets real hard, I won’t run to my mother. In order to understand just who I am; You need a Y-chromosome; it’s what makes you a man.
So you’re glad you’re a chick? Well, I’m glad I’m a guy. So have a seat, missy, and I’ll tell ya why I’m so glad I’m a man, I could stand and applaud That I don’t have to live life as a broad. We do the same work, but I’m better paid. There’s honor and not shame for me when I get laid. I can get head in a restaurant booth. Mechanics will (usually) tell me the truth. I can go sit at a bar all alone Without twenty drunk losers inviting me home. Workmen and service men never do hassle me. Car CD players don’t simply baffle me. I can reach stuff hidden on the top shelf. I can change light bulbs all by myself. No one expects anything when I just flirt. I don’t have to wear dumb stuff like hose or a skirt. My underwear’s cotton, and three for eight bucks. Bras are expensive and WIRE - that sucks. I get to buy cool stuff like hammers and drills. You have to buy makeup and birth control pills. Never will I suffer from PMS. It takes me ten minutes to shower and dress. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. I don’t have a purse full of useless old stuff. None of my co-workers can make me cry. When someone fails to call, I don’t give a shit why. I never will need an electrician or plumber. I can date someone much younger and dumber. I’m GLAD I’m a guy, with two balls and a dick, So I don’t have to live life as a chick. I revel in guy-hood with joy I can’t squelch, And I’ll celebrate every scratch, every belch. I’m glad I’m a man, of that I am proud. I’m not at all bitchy, annoying and loud. I won’t try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small. My credit card is still good when I leave from the mall. I won’t drink Diet Coke, or eat a rice cake. There’s no silicone here, my chest isn’t fake. My face isn’t “lifted,” my bra isn’t stuffed, I do what’s proper, I leave the toilet seat up. It doesn’t take hours to fix up my hair, I don’t see the need to use bathrooms in pairs. I won’t throw a tirade and then blame PMS. I’m a man and I’m glad I can deal with my stress. I have intuition, I never get lost. I share household duties, I won’t try to be the boss. I’m a man and with that comes a high sense of class, I won’t wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass. I won’t cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot I don’t make up false places, like the infamous “G-spot.” I won’t go out at night in a black mini-skirt, then slap anybody that just tries to flirt. You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall, To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls. Yes, I’m pleased to be male and I don’t mean to gloat. I’m sorry you don’t understand how to work the remote. I’ll never tease you, or play hard to get. If I don’t get my way, I won’t throw a fit. I don’t worry much about breaking a nail, My face without makeup isn’t distorted and pale. I’ll never say one thing while meaning another. When life gets real hard, I won’t run to my mother. In order to understand just who I am; You need a Y-chromosome; it’s what makes you a man.
MASALA JOKE 11
Joke: Oh Ladies
Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares? I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. I hate everybody, and you're next. Please don't make me kill you. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it. Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later. You KNOW you want me. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time. Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time! Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions? You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. All stressed out and no one to choke. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. How can I miss you if you won't go away? Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear. I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun. Sorry Ladies ... I had to!
Guys have feelings too. But, like, who cares? I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. I hate everybody, and you're next. Please don't make me kill you. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it. Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later. You KNOW you want me. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time. Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time! Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions? You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. All stressed out and no one to choke. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. How can I miss you if you won't go away? Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear. I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun. Sorry Ladies ... I had to!
MASALA JOKE 10
Joke: Emotional needs
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does. But then the wife suddenly stops and says “I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” “WHAT!?” says her husband. The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can`t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth 200 dollars each. The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn`t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says “You don`t even play tennis, but if you like it then let`s get it.” The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, “I`m ready to go, let`s go to the cashier.” The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don`t feel like buying all this stuff now.” The wife`s face goes blank. “Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.” The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, “You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does. But then the wife suddenly stops and says “I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” “WHAT!?” says her husband. The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can`t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth 200 dollars each. The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn`t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says “You don`t even play tennis, but if you like it then let`s get it.” The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, “I`m ready to go, let`s go to the cashier.” The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don`t feel like buying all this stuff now.” The wife`s face goes blank. “Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.” The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, “You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”
MASALA JOKE 9
Joke: Abusive parrot in plane
In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whisky you bitch." The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whisky you slut." Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whisky but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench, I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!" Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards. Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a lippy bastard... "
In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whisky you bitch." The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whisky you slut." Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whisky but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench, I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!" Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards. Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a lippy bastard... "
MASALAJOKE 8
Joke: Magic
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, “How`d you do that?” “I could tell you, sir”, the magician answered, “But then I`d have to kill you.” After a short pause, the man yelled back, “Ok, then… just tell my wife!”
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, “How`d you do that?” “I could tell you, sir”, the magician answered, “But then I`d have to kill you.” After a short pause, the man yelled back, “Ok, then… just tell my wife!”
MASALAJOKE 7
Joke: Two couples swapping partners
Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed. Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug. After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter!
Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed. Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug. After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter!
MASALAJOKE 6
Joke: Various stages in girls life
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.
MASALAJOKE 5
Joke: Skiing backwards
Posted: 14 Jan 2008 02:33 AM CST
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she found a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself. Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards, out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg. The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. The doctor walked into her room. Laughing hysterically, he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!” As he began to compose himself, he asked, “So, how did you break YOUR leg??”
Posted: 14 Jan 2008 02:33 AM CST
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she found a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself. Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards, out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg. The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. The doctor walked into her room. Laughing hysterically, he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!” As he began to compose himself, he asked, “So, how did you break YOUR leg??”
MASALAJOKE 4
Joke: New and politically correct name for lesbian
Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".
Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".
MASALAJOKE 3
Joke: Man buying drink for lesbians
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink." The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good." The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink." The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink." The women both reply, "It won't do you any good." The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?" The first lady says, "We're lesbians." The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?" The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys." The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink." The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good." The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink." The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink." The women both reply, "It won't do you any good." The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?" The first lady says, "We're lesbians." The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?" The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys." The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
MASALAJOKE 2
Joke: Guy getting three wishes from genie
A guy walks into a bar with two lovely blondes leaning on his shoulders with dewy looks in their eyes, and a dwarf who's only two feet tall. He orders drinks for himself and his companions, paying from a fat roll of twenty-dollar bills. The dwarf jumps up on the bar, and runs up and down the whole length of the bar kicking over everybody's drinks. The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties. As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!" The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble." The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him." The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
A guy walks into a bar with two lovely blondes leaning on his shoulders with dewy looks in their eyes, and a dwarf who's only two feet tall. He orders drinks for himself and his companions, paying from a fat roll of twenty-dollar bills. The dwarf jumps up on the bar, and runs up and down the whole length of the bar kicking over everybody's drinks. The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties. As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!" The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble." The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him." The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
masalajokes1
Joke: Young lady marrying old man
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
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