Joke: Signs Iraq is getting used to the bombings
*Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again. *Instead of saying, “We are under attack, please take shelter,” citizens are now told, “Here we go again, you know the drill.” *Everyone wears sunglasses all the time. *Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters. *Yesterday’s lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was “NBA Lockout Continues.” *Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the “Tomahawk Chop.” *Hussein’s latest address to the nation included the line, “We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda…” *Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad. *Baghdad High’s senior class has playfully painted a bull’s-eye on the roof of the school. *Iraqi Television Network preempts Hussein’s speech to show “Baywatch.” *Maps of Baghdad being divided into numbered grids and sold on street corners to play “Cruise Missile Bingo.” *Baghdad weather girls point to the map and say, “Scattered B-52 bombings and cruise missile strikes tonight through the early morning, with light rocket attacks tomorrow, clearing off by noon.” *”We could be killed by a bomb any second” no longer an effective pickup line in Iraqi bars. *Every Iraqi citizen has been issued a catcher’s mitt. *Students anxiously listen to the radio each morning to listen for school closings. *Even the ever-hilarious, “Sorry, that was me–must’ve been those BEANS I ate!” jokes are wearing thin. *Gag gift sales soar with the release of the new “Magnetic Hat.”
Saturday, January 19, 2008
MASALA JOKE 44
Joke: Wedding rehearsal
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father, ‘As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.’ So the father of the bride, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the brides hand on the bride grooms arm and said, ‘No deposit, no return.’
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father, ‘As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.’ So the father of the bride, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the brides hand on the bride grooms arm and said, ‘No deposit, no return.’
MASALA JOKE 43
Joke: What is Sex?
A kid goes up to his father and asks, “Dad what is sex?” His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother. He goes to his grandmother, who’s husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, “Grammy, what is sex?” She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was. The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened. His father screams, “YOU FUCKED MY MOM!” The little boy screams back at him “NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!”
A kid goes up to his father and asks, “Dad what is sex?” His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother. He goes to his grandmother, who’s husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, “Grammy, what is sex?” She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was. The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened. His father screams, “YOU FUCKED MY MOM!” The little boy screams back at him “NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!”
MASALA JOKE 42
Joke: Little Johnny catches parents making out
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?" His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?" His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
MASALA JOKE 41
Joke: Two guys chatting
Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find."
Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find."
MASALA JOKE 40
Joke: Making out in the lawns of a brothel
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel", replied the madam. "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. "Oh, we're having a yard sale today
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel", replied the madam. "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. "Oh, we're having a yard sale today
MASALA JOKE 39
Joke: The Pessimist
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)